my love life.....

today i'd lost.....really lost....love beats me and it really hurts....why can i be happier like any couples did?? how come i'm the one who gets hurt the most? i hate love.....i hate liking someone...cause when i did, i lose control of myself....i'm feeling too great....for once, i feel i'm really in love...but the next minute, the feelings gone....i'm afraid to make any commitment....i'm afraid to fall in love....i'm scared that i might hurt somebody....why can no one understands that? i prefer loneliness rather than seeing the person i loved hurts....i want to end this...i just don't know how....this is my last post...i prefer keeping things inside of me cause when i express it, i'll hurt someone more....today, i decide i couldn't take it any longer....i decide not to trust love anymore....i'll keep my words to you..every single of it....i'll try to do my best to make you happy....i'll do whatever it takes....cause i can't continue loving....and because i'm a person that always keep my words.....right this time, my love died...along with my blog....i'm just too tired to express my feelings but people keep judging it...so i stop before i get hurt even more....i'll quit arguing with you, i'll quit to find your mistakes, i'll quit judging....i'll quit telling....and lastly i quit from this love...we will always be together cause that is what we promised....you will always right and i will always wrong...i'll follow what you say cause i know you're only thinking for the best of us...i love you....NAFIS ALI.....

had a wonderful chat with boyfie today...miss him so much....muet

 next week...haven't study yet....final exam result?? marvelous....3.55...probably not the highest but enough to enter dean list....one of my dream achieved!! the feeling was so great....i finally can proved to my mom that i'm not making the wrong choices....and for once, 

i'm right! again...i couldn't describe my feelings....2 weeks more...i'm starting to miss everyone...'bapak', all my 'abgs'.....my largghh!! hohoho...couldn't wait....day by day i starting to reach my goals...it's hard, but i managed to....thanks everyone...without you guys giving stress and support, i will not be here....as what i am now....

get this extreme dizziness lately...probably just tired...i had a hard time cleaning the house....taking care of brother and sister plus one cousin who is only 2 months old....cooking and lots of stuff....but still i didn't lose any weight...i think....

chatting with my boyfie....he had new kittens.....meoww!! they are all so adorable.....have to touch them later....we were skype-ing and he showed me all his kittens.....miss my kittens...all four of them died after a tragic surgery....their feet were tied to each other forcing the so-called-surgeon to cut it....but then they just couldn't survived and died after a few days....then we listened to few cracking songs...'my girl' theme

 song was my fav....still thinking that lee jun ki should be the hero....well....my boyfie won at the end...he's still the greatest....miss you!! 

my second boyfie.....

i love you!!

how sweet.....

looking from a dirfferent view....

got interrupted by annoying brother....as early as 7!! gotta baby-sitting him at stadium today...aarghhh!! i hate crowded place...noisy, no privacy and the worst part is i know nobody...hate this...feels like starting over in a new damn school...you have to fit in, feels belong, try to be friendly, smile till your mouth cramp.....lonely....well..at least there's a lot of things to be seen....1st thing 1st, i saw a hottie today!! (guy ofcos)....unfortunate for me, he's younger and shorter....so cute man....(sorry my love, just kidding k)...looking at the kids running around on the track, jumping, marching....reminds me of old age....the school where I learn lots of things....many frens, lovely teachers, probably my fav school so far...recall....i found my first love here....n we still bestfrens till now....the 2nd greatest so far...he's nice just a little bit ego...rich, but money isn't everything...teachers...i had a lot of wonderful teachers here...who i never hate..unlike SMESH...no recall about my secondary school as there are no good memories at all....when i was little, i always dream of being teenager...couldn't even wait of growing up...but now, i wish i was still a small kid.,.no problems, people loved you cause you're cute....got scolded but no hard feelings cause you don't know anything....hahaha...human...never satisfied of anything....gosh! i'm so bored....even on9 is not that much fun anymore....everything just the same everyday....

track and field...my feet wasn't as strong as it was before...i quit running cause mom won't let me wear tights....so feet? no function...i gain weight since i quit...even my boyfie said i'm chubby...no!!!! i dislike all this fats...go away! i try to exercise but it doesn't work...so i minimize my meal....i rarely eat....i know it's not the best way but that's all i can do....sometimes in a day, i just didn't eat....losing appetite lately.....hope i lost weight...

now is ten in the morning...sitting alone typing....watching people..probably the best thing i could do..eat? no...i haven't....miss my boyfie so much...wish he is here,....where the hell is that doraemon when i need his 'pintu suka hati'??? i'll find that cat.....damn!! too many cute little kids....see? i like kids, but only watching them...taking care? that doesn't sound like me at all...currently sipping milo with my 4 year old brother...i trained him to queue by himself and i watched from a far.... he's four! can't be so dependent...next year is tadika year for him....as far i can remember, i can already read at 3...but he couldn't recognize many letters....i'm starting to get worried....i had taught him lots of things but kept playing around....i think mommy is being so soft to him....isn't like before at all...well....tired of typing,..wanna go sightseeing now....TTFN...^^

hiasan semata-mata.....

i love everyone....

my heart is full with tonnes of love today...really want to express it....hahaha....i miss my frens so much...3 weeks to go! yeah! well...good news, my boyfie is okay! he gave me such a relief when he call me just now...he'll be spending next three days at home which i know will be quite boring cause he can't move much...kahkahkah...pity him actually...well...been stalking people since morning and found out a lot of goood stuff to be talked about....and you know what? I MISS STUDY SO DAMN MUCH!! looking forward to the new fresh smell of new books....couldn't wait...i wonder if i can meet mt boyfie later with his condition right now....well...you never knew...typing to let you know...today is the World LOving Day!!

31/10/2010

well...there's good news and bad news today.....today is the birthday of my beloved brother...the best brother in whole wide world....my favourite older brother...same attitude n when u meet him, as if you meet my twin! i love him so much and believe me...i can sacrifice a lot of things for him...cause he always stood for me when i'm in trouble....he saved me from a lot of troubles and that makes me owe him....i couldn't even imagine life without him....i used to cry so much when he entered boarding school before...for five whole years....when he finished his SPM, i thought I already had him by my side forever, but it didn't happen the way i wish....matrix and maktab keep taking him away from me...then he told me someday i'll leave him later and he will be the one crying that moment....i laugh when he's around me cause yeah....he is a funny person literally....he made me laugh even if i didn't want to....i hate him when he did that...but still i love him....he is a becoming teacher, a handsome basketballer, a sweet boyfriend to his girlfren of course, a wonderful son and lastly the best brother in the whole universe!!

enough for the brother story...back to the bad news....i got into a fight with my boyfie.....which i really hate to do.....i love him so much...i want him to know that....but sometimes it's just i couldn't give total commitment to this relationship....he is being so nice to me and i'm the opposite way around...i get angry whenever i want...and he had always be so patient to me....why?? all this while i had been dreaming for this kind of boyfie, but WTF am i doing to him?? I LOVE HIM!! well...you see...my boyfie had been hit by a darn people....he hurt his leg...and couldn't even walk properly....and that happen because of me....i can't forgive myself for that...since the first time i met him, i gave nothing but trouble to him...how i wish i can replaced him now....how i wish i can take the whole pain away....how i wish i can share it though...how i wish i can be right by his side this moment...wipe his tears and pain away...tell him directly in ears how much i love him....hold his hand tightly...hug him to comfort him....i'm so sorry darl.....i can't...we're so far away and there's nothing i can do but cry...get well soon for me okay? i want to see you chasing me when i tease you later....i'll be back in few weeks and i want you to run okay? i'll made you promise me that....I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.....

Quotes of the Day:

There is no feeling more comforting and consoling than knowing you are right next to the one you love....

inila kaki my boyfie yg accident.....

my beloved brother.....he's 22 now...

things bout me you should know.....

1. i hate it when you reply k, ok, uhm, ye, oo, to any long msg that i sent....cause when u do, i'll do the same n we both get annoyed.....


2. i like to stalk my ex-boyfie...cause when i saw them unhappy, that was the greatest day of my life....


3. i woke up late in the morning...so don't bother to text me in the morning...well, i just want to save your credits of course....


4. when i say no, it's a BIG NO....when i talk, it's better to LISTEN than say anything....that's the best....


5. when i'm angry, just let me for 5-10 minutes....i'll text you back...i gets angry easily, but cool easily though...no worries.... 


6. i like to joke and make fun of other people...so when i do, give me your best laugh....


7. i like to hit you hard but i hate it when you hate me back and it's hard....be gentle....i'm a girl okay?


8. when i am thinking bout the future or my dream...never laugh bout it...support me okay? cause sumtimes you're in that dream too...so it is a serious matter....


9. i don't mind when you mention bout your old gf...so when i tell you bout mine, my intention is to make you jealous and to know how badly you love me.....


10. when, i say i love you so much, believe me cause that's what i really mean..


11. when i'm angry or sad, i'll be quiet when you call me...i don't like to talk when i'm sad cause my voice will be awful n i hate you to see the imperfection of mine....


12. it still okay for you to call me...but be ready with tonnes of lovely words cause i owez fall for that....


13. i have a long list...i'll tell you later...n i miss you....remember that....


Quotes of the Day:

I LOVE YOU AND YOU ONLY NAFIS ALI!!! (AISYAH,2010)

my fav pic of all!!

special for you......

Jika kamu memancing ikan.... Setelah ikan itu terlekat di mata kail, hendaklah kamu mengambil ikan itu.... Janganlah sesekali kamu LEPASKAN ia semula ke dalam air begitu saja.... Karena ia akan SAKIT oleh kerana bisanya ketajaman mata kailmu dan mungkin ia akan MENDERITA selagi ia masih hidup.

 Begitulah juga .........  Setelah kamu memberi banyak PENGHARAPAN kepada seseorang... Setelah ia mulai MENYAYANGIMU hendaklah kamu MENJAGA hatinya.... Janganlah sesekali kamu meninggalkannya begitu saja.... Kerana dia akan TERLUKA oleh kenangan bersamamu dan mungkin TIDAK dapat MELUPAKAN segalanya selagi dia mengingatmu....  

Jika kamu menadah air biarlah berpada, jangan terlalu mengharap pada takungannya dan janganlah menganggap ia begitu teguh.... cukuplah sekadar keperluanmu.... Apabila sekali ia retak.... tentu sukar untuk kamu menambalnya semula.... Akhirnya ia dibuang....  Sedangkan jika kamu cuba memperbaikinya mungkin ia masih dapat dipergunakan lagi....

 Begitu juga jika kamu memiliki seseorang, TERIMALAH seadanya.... Janganlah kamu terlalu mengaguminya dan janganlah kamu menganggapnya begitu istimewa.... Anggaplah dia manusia biasa. Apabila sekali dia melakukan KESILAPAN bukan mudah bagi kamu untuk menerimanya.... akhirnya kamu KECEWA dan meninggalkannya.  Sedangkan jika kamu MEMAAFKANNYA boleh jadi hubungan kamu akan TERUS hingga ke akhirnya....  

Jika kamu telah memiliki sepinggan nasi... yang kamu pasti baik untuk dirimu. Mengenyangkan. Berkhasiat. Mengapa kamu berlengah, cuba mencari makanan yang lain.. Terlalu ingin mengejar kelezatan. Kelak, nasi itu akan basi dan kamu tidak boleh memakannya. Kamu akan menyesal.  

Begitu juga jika kamu telah bertemu dengan seorang insan..... yang pasti membawa KEBAIKAN kepada dirimu. MENYAYANGIMU... MENGASIHIMU... Mengapa kamu berlengah, cuba MEMBANDINGKANNYA dengan yang lain. Terlalu mengejar kesempurnaan. Kelak, kamu akan KEHILANGANNYA apabila dia menjadi milik orang ain Kamu juga yang akan MENYESAL....

 i miss you damn much.....